


What Shall We Do With a Lovesick Sailor?

by toad_in_the_road



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon), She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018), Tangled (2010)
Genre: AU, Crossover, Diplomacy, Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Marriage Proposal, New Dream Fluff, Pirates, Politics, Post-Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon), Princess Alliance, Sea Hawk loves his cool gf, Seamista fluff, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) Season 5, Swordfighting, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, and eugene loves his cool fiance, and i can feel the love for seamista and new dream in this chilis tonight, because they are hella underrated, bi power couples for the win!!!, four bisexuals and a chameleon get on a boat, im gay, no angst???, thats it thats the story, this is the most self indulgent thing ive ever written, what???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:13:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27091843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toad_in_the_road/pseuds/toad_in_the_road
Summary: “Princess,” A guard rushed into the room, awkwardly bowing to the both of them. “There’s, uh, someone at the entrance of the castle. He’s demanding to be let in.”Mermista’s eyes suddenly widened, the most emotion she had shown all night. “Did he have a shiny mustache?!” She asked, looking startled.“Er, yes,” The guard looked surprised. “Do...do you know him?”“Princess Mermista, is he dangerous?” Rapunzel asked, thinking with some morbid humor that of course this would happen on her first diplomatic mission. “Is he some kind of assassin?”“Worse,” Mermista said grimly. “It’s my boyfriend.”
Relationships: Cassandra & Rapunzel (Disney: Tangled), Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel, Mermista/Sea Hawk (She-Ra), Pascal & Rapunzel (Disney)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 29
Collections: Disney, Shera





	What Shall We Do With a Lovesick Sailor?

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you dont want any context on this because i have none to offer
> 
> why does etheria exist within the tangled universe and vice versa? how do we reconcile the planet wide events that take place in she ra and then put them into corona? how does any of this fit within itself other than me just wanting eugene and sea hawk to be best friends? why am i writing this even though i already have a she-ra tangled fusion series?
> 
> the answer is i have no idea, but tumblr liked this idea so here we are

About an hour into the dinner, Rapunzel wasn’t sure if the Princess of Salineas hated her or if that was just her personality.

Mermista was a princess surrounded by whispers. Her kingdom mostly kept to itself, and there were rumors that she was a witch. She seemed...alright to Rapunzel, if highly disinterested in the political talk at hand. Really, she reminded her of Cassandra, and her heart panged slightly at the thought of her friend. It had been a while since she had last received a letter.

After isolating themselves for nearly their entire history, Rapunzel was shocked to find out that Salineas was looking to ally themselves with farther off kingdoms. She knew that Salineas and the surrounding city-states had formed a strong alliance with each other to fend off invaders, but apparently Salineas had decided to step out of their range and be the first to offer allyship with the kingdoms across the sea. Of course, Salinas was a sea-faring kingdom, so Rapunzel supposed it made sense.

“The Sea Gate is the thing,” Mermista said, picking delicately at her plate. “It’s our biggest defense, and we’ve already had...issues with attacks. A lot of my subjects are nervous that opening and shutting it for trade will leave us vulnerable.”

Rapunzel hummed, trying to look like she wasn’t incredibly nervous. Her parents had decided that since Mermista was a princess, it would be a good “practice” political dinner for Rapunzel. What they didn’t know until it was too late was that ‘princess’ was only an acting title for the kingdoms across the sea, and in everything except for title, Mermista was queen of Salineas, and had been so since she was a teenager. 

It was intimidating to hear that, obviously. And it was even more intimidating to see Rapunzel’s warm greeting responded to with a rather flippant “Yeah, don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“The Sea Gate,” Rapunzel repeated. “Apologies, um, I wasn’t aware of a Sea Gate…?”

Much to Rapunzel’s relief, Mermista didn’t storm off in response to Rapunzel’s lack of knowledge. She tossed her thick blue hair behind her shoulder, looking bored. “The Sea Gate is the magical barrier that protects my kingdom. It’s powered by our Runestone-which, hey, that’s another thing. We don’t want to risk anyone taking it. Or damaging it. Because that would be…” Mermista trailed off, trying to find the right words. “Like, really bad.”

“I can assure you, Princess Mermista, and trade or travel would be closely monitored by our finest guards.” Rapunzel said.

“Yeah…” Mermista glanced at her fingernails. “I saw one of your guards putting his breastplate on the wrong way, so....”

 _Pete!_ Rapunzel cursed in her head, but forced herself to smile at Mermista. “That’s...just one. And it’s an easy mistake to make!”

“He was stuck in it,” Mermista said. “I think he was crying.”

“The royal guard is more than capable of fighting off any potential attacks during the duration of the Sea Gate’s opening,” Rapunzel said. “I know the captain, and I promise you he’ll take every precaution to make sure nothing happens to your Gate. Or...uh, Runestone.” 

“Hm.” Mermista said. She picked at her food again, and glanced up at Rapunzel. “Uh, so are we just gonna ignore the lizard?”

“Oh!” Rapunzel smiled widely, picking Pascal off her shoulder. “This is Pascal. He’s my best friend!”

Pascal squeaked, waving eagerly at the less-than-impressed princess. Mermista raised an eyebrow. “So does he just...hang out there?”

“Oh.” Rapunzel said, her heart sinking. Here she was, making some diplomatic progress, and then she had to ruin it by being ‘that princess’ once again. “Sorry, is that too weird? I can-”

“No, it’s fine,” Mermista shrugged. “One of my friends is an obnoxious talking winged horse, so I guess I can’t judge.”

“Oh, good,” Rapunzel smiled, and then paused. “Wait, what do you mean-”

“Princess,” A guard rushed into the room, awkwardly bowing to the both of them. “There’s, uh, someone at the entrance of the castle. He’s demanding to be let in.”

Mermista’s eyes suddenly widened, the most emotion she had shown all night. “Did he have a shiny mustache?!” She asked, looking startled.

“Er, yes,” The guard looked surprised. “Do...do you know him?”

“Princess Mermista, is he dangerous?” Rapunzel asked, thinking with some morbid humor that of course this would happen on her first diplomatic mission. “Is he some kind of assassin?”

“Worse,” Mermista said grimly. “It’s my boyfriend.”

At that moment, a tall man with an admittedly rather shiny mustache strode into the room, smiling widely. A guard stumbled after him. “S-sorry, princess, he got away from us!” He apologized, not realizing he was only digging the kingdom into a deeper hole now that the guard had failed twice in front of Mermista.

“My dear!” The man said, smiling widely when he saw Mermista. “There you are, I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

Mermista looked mortified, putting her head in her hands. “How did you get here?!” She hissed.

“I simply took the ship you so graciously gave to me!” The man laughed, and Rapunzel saw Mermista’s face pinch. “You were right, Mermista, it _is_ the fastest ship this side of the waters!”

“I’m sorry,” Rapunzel said, hoping to maybe get some context on who this guy was. “I don’t believe we’ve met?”

“Princess Rapunzel!” The man turned to her, still smiling widely. “I’ve heard so much about you! Tell me, were you the one who fought off the evil demon single-handedly? Oh, you must regale me with such a tale!”

Rapunzel smiled awkwardly. “Uh…”

“But to answer your question-” The man put one foot on the table, posing dramatically. “I am the one and only Sea Hawk!”

*** *** ***

Eugene knew how important this political meeting was to Rapunzel, so he was surprised to hear what sounded like loud singing coming from the dining hall.

Rapunzel had been in a frenzy since the announcement of Mermista’s possible alliance. Eugene had chuckled at her name, and was rewarded with a swift glare from Rapunzel. Apparently, she found nothing funny about the first political dinner. 

“Everything has to be perfect,” Rapunzel had said, practically running down the halls to make sure it was so. “This is basically proving that I can be a real queen!”

“You were already queen. Even if only for a little bit. You did great!” Eugene said.

Rapunzel smiled tiredly. “This is different. This is diplomacy. Not only that, diplomacy with a kingdom across the sea, and a kingdom that’s been isolating itself for...well, forever.”

“Your parents think you can do it, and so do I,” Eugene said, managing to grab her hand. “You’ll do great, Sunshine. I know it.”

Rapunzel had smiled for real at that, letting her fiance soothe her worries. But now Eugene was certain he heard singing, and he didn’t recognize the voice. Sure, it was highly unlikely an assassin would be singing, but all the same, he would never forgive himself if something happened and he hadn’t stopped it. 

He ducked into the room, wincing slightly when the door creaked loudly. “Hey, what’s going on-”

He paused at the scene. A tall man with a mustache was on the table, singing dramatically to another woman with blue hair and a bright red face, who Eugene assumed was Princess Mermista. Rapunzel looked like she was at a loss as to how to handle the situation. 

“Eugene!” Rapunzel leapt to her feet, relief clear in her eyes. She rushed over, grabbing his arm and dragging him over to the table. “Princess Mermista, this is the captain of our completely competent guard that I was telling you about. My fiance, Eugene Fitzherbert.”

She smiled proudly, and Eugene’s stomach did a little twist in spite of the situation. Mermista frowned slightly. “Wait, so the captain of the guard is your fiance?”

Rapunzel paused, her expression faltering slightly. “Yes…?”

Mermista shrugged. “I dunno. Just kinda smells like nepotism, you know?”

Rapunzel’s smile died away instantly, and Eugene decided he didn’t like this prickly ocean princess. “Hey, listen-” He started, and would have probably said something rude and ill-advised if the other man had not jumped down from the table and started shaking his hand vigorously. 

“Captain Fitzherbert!” He said. “Pleasure to meet you, my good man. I am the famous Sea Hawk! I trust you’ve heard of me. And may I just say, that is a fantastic goatee!”

Any reservations Eugene had about the man instantly disappeared. “Why, thank you,” He said, grinning widely. “And you can just call me Eugene. And I don’t think I’ve heard of you. Uh, sorry.”

“Well, you have now!” Sea Hawk said boisterously. 

“Great,” Mermista grumbled. “There’s two of them.”

“I’ve enjoyed your kingdom very much so far,” Sea Hawk said. “It’s lovely. Tell me, what is the nature of your Runestone?”

“They don’t have Runestones here,” Mermista said, looking tired. “We’ve been over this.”

“Then where do they get their magic?” Sea Hawk asked.

“They don’t have much magic here,” Mermista said. “It’s boring, remember?”

Eugene thought of the rumors he had heard of Mermista’s supposed witchiness, and stepped a little closer to Rapunzel. “I would hardly call Corona boring…” Eugene said. “And there’s magic here. Just...not as much as wherever you’re from.”

“See?!” Sea Hawk smiled victoriously at Mermista. “I told you they had magic here! Oh, you have to tell me about all your adventures! Hey, I have a great idea!”

“Oh no.” Mermista said.

“Why don’t you all come on a little boat ride on my ship?” Sea Hawk grinned. “I’m sure it’ll be much more fun to discuss politics and stuff than it is in this stuffy room.”

Mermista frowned. “They definitely don’t want-” 

“I want too,” Eugene said, determined to make life as difficult for this rude princess as possible without ruining Rapunzel’s diplomacy. “It sounds fun.”

Sea Hawk laughed, clapping his hand on Eugene’s shoulder. “Oh, I like him! Up for an adventure?”

“Always.” Eugene grinned. 

“It could be fun.” Rapunzel said, looking like she very much wanted to take a ride on Sea Hawk’s boat, but didn’t want to irritate Mermista. 

“Of course it’ll be fun! I’m the best captain out there, and the _Dragon’s Daughter Five_ is the best vessel this side of the world,” He paused. “Or is it Six? It’s getting hard to keep track.”

“This is a bad idea.” Mermista said.

“Oh, come now, love,” Sea Hawk smiled brilliantly at the princess. “It’ll be a two for one deal. A diplomatic evening and a date. It doesn’t get much better than that!”

“Mhm.” Mermista said doubtfully. But after a moment, she gave a long groan, seeing she was outnumbered. “Fine, whatever. I don’t care.”

“Great!” Sea Hawk turned to Eugene and Rapunzel, his eyes shining. “Prepare for an adventure, Eugene and princess!”

*** *** ***

“We can work out a timetable to make sure nothing can get into your kingdom once you open the Sea Gate.” Rapunzel told Mermista, enjoying the feeling of the ocean breeze through her hair. 

“Mhm,” Mermista said, looking uninterested. “Sorry, it’s kinda hard to focus on you with them doing...whatever.” She motioned to Eugene and Sea Hawk.

The two had hit it off immediately, the two trying good-naturedly to outdo each other with their various tales of danger and glory. Sea Hawk was busy showing Eugene how to tie a rather complicated knot, while regaling him with some tale of kidnapping and danger. 

“And then,” Sea Hawk said. “I set my boat on fire!”

Eugene laughed. “What? Why?”

“It’s my signature move!” Sea Hawk shrugged.

“Is that what happened to the _Dragon’s Daughter_ one through five?” Eugene asked.

“Of course,” Sea Hawk nodded. “Wouldn’t want them to go out any other way. Anyway, you were telling me how you died?”

Mermista blinked, looking confused, but Eugene shrugged. “Oh, right. So anyway, after I stole the crown-”

“Hold on,” Mermista said, holding up her hand. “Did you say you stole the crown?

Eugene paused. “Uh…”

“He...used to be a thief,” Rapunzel admitted. “But not anymore! He’s reformed!” Pascal squeaked in agreement from her shoulder.

“So just to be clear, the captain of your insofar incompetant guard is your ex-criminal fiance?” Mermista said.

Rapunzel paused, suddenly realizing how the situation looked to anyone else. And she wasn’t sure Mermista would be willing to sit through an explanation. In fact, she highly doubted it.

Oddly, Sea Hawk swooped to her rescue. “We have Catra, Scorpia, Hordak, Double Trouble, and so many of our other friends,” He said, smiling at his irritated girlfriend. “Why is this any different?”

“Because Adora didn’t promote Catra to become captain of the Bright Moon guard.” Mermista said evenly, and Rapunzel wondered what it was like to have context behind those names. 

“She doesn’t have the power to do that, love.” Sea Hawk said.

“Would you-?!” Mermista glared at Sea Hawk. “Can you quit goofing around with your new best friend and take this seriously?! You’re not even supposed to be here!”

Sea Hawk blinked, looking surprised by Mermista’s outburst. “I...figured you would want my support!” He said weakly. 

“Well, I don’t,” Mermista slouched, glaring at nothing in particular. “Can you just take us back? This was a bust.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Eugene said, looking slightly hurt by Mermista's comments, but unwilling to say anything. He gestured to his newly tied knot. “I learned how to tie a clove hitch.”

“Congrats, _Captain_ ,” Mermista said. “Sea Hawk, take us back.”

Sea Hawk looked pleadingly at Mermista, but sighed deeply when she didn’t falter. “Alright, let me just-” He yanked on a rope, and a massive sail popped out. Sea Hawk paused, surprised to see the massive rip in the sail fabric.

Mermista groaned. “Did you slide down it on your sword again?!”

“No…” Sea Hawk said slowly, looking confused. “It was fine when I came into dock.”

Eugene frowned. “That’s...was anyone around your boat before you left?”

Rapunzel paused. “Do you think it’s sabotage?”

“Ugh…” Mermista groaned. “This always happens on our dates.”

Sea Hawk instantly brightened. “So this is a date?!”

Mermista turned red. “I didn’t say that.”

“You just did!”

“We can get back to why your dates are always sabotaged later,” Eugene said, as though his own dates had not been ruined by a fortune telling monkey more than once. “Right now we need to focus on whether this is just a really weird accident or something worse.”

Pascal squeaked in alarm, and Rapunzel squinted across the water to see a large ship, rapidly approaching. The sails were black, which couldn’t be a good sign. “Um, guys?” She said hesitantly, standing up. “I think it’s the latter.”

Eugene tensed. “I don’t suppose you have a frying pan on you, do you Sunshine?”

Rapunzel laughed with no humor. “The one time I don’t have it.”

Eugene cursed. “That’s always when they get you, right?”

“Not gonna get into whatever that is,” Mermista decided, standing up. “Anyway, don’t worry, I got this.” She cracked her knuckles, stepping to the front of the ship.

“Woo! Mermista!” Sea Hawk cheered.

The ship was close enough to where Rapunzel could make out faces. Mermista stretched her hands out, and flicked them upwards grandly.

Nothing happened.

Mermista blinked, and then flicked her wrists again. And again, and again. Nothing happened.

“Woo!” Sea Hawk cheered again, though with much less enthusiasm and much more worry.

“This usually works.” Mermista said.

“What works? You wave your hands around and pirates run away?” Eugene asked. He turned to Sea Hawk. “Please tell me you have some weapons cached around here.”

“That I do, my friend!” Sea Hawk said, and quickly yanked up a floorboard to reveal an empty space underneath. He blinked. “And it appears our saboteurs have found it first.”

“That’s because you carve ‘weapons here’ on the floorboards!” Mermista snapped, pointing to the space in the floorboard where the message was indeed carved out, in surprisingly fancy calligraphy.

“I always forget where I put it!” Sea Hawk said defensively.

An arrow whizzed by Rapunzel, burying itself into the wood of the mast inches from her nose. She jumped, stumbling back. A shadow fell over the four when the ship was right on top of them, and there was a long rope attached to the arrow. The line went taut, and Rapunzel stepped back next to Eugene as she heard the whizzing of someone sliding down the rope.

There was a thud, and a massive man with a wild and tangled red beard grinned at them, a tarnished gold tooth replacing one of his canines. “Well, I’ll be damned!” He cackled. “Two princesses, a captain, and an old debt all in one place? Why, it must be my birthday!”

“Princesses?” Rapunzel forced herself to laugh, slinging her arm around Mermista. “We’re just four friends out on a date!”

“Don’t touch me.” Mermista said.

The pirate chuckled. “Nice try, lassie,” He said. “But I heard this fool singing about how he was going to visit his princess at the docks. And I know who you are-” He motioned to Rapunzel with the tip of a longsword. “And I know you’ll fetch a pretty ransom.”

“Don’t even think about it-” Eugene said, stepping forward, and Sea Hawk did the same, rolling up his sleeves. 

The pirate laughed again, turning the tip of the sword to the other two. “Don’t be a hero. It’ll cost ya. Probably an ear or something.” He laughed loudly at his own joke.

“You will be taking no ears today, good sir!” Sea Hawk declared.

“Not from you,” The pirate said, turning to Sea Hawk with a bad look in his eye. “Nah, for you I’ll take the whole thing for burning my boat.”

“Are you kidding me?!” Mermista snapped, glaring at her boyfriend. “Are you on the hit list of every single sailor in the universe?!” 

“Someone send word to Salineas and Corona!” The pirate shouted back to his ship. “Tell ‘em if they want their princesses back in one piece, they’re gonna have to make it worth our while!”

*** *** ***

“I gotta admit,” Eugene said, wincing as he tried to wriggle out of the tight ropes around his wrist. “It’s kind of refreshing not to be the one the criminal is mad at.”

“Eugene.” Rapunzel said.

“Right, sorry. Just saying.”

Rapunzel, Eugene, and Mermista were tied up roughly and tossed at the end of the boat. Pascal had been stuffed in a birdcage, and was yanking on the bars pathetically. 

Sea Hawk probably had the worst luck. Until the pirates decided to dispose of him properly, he had been tied upside down to the mainsail while the pirates threw things at him. “We can work things out!” Sea Hawk said desperately, and earned a rotten tomato to the face. The pirates roared in laughter.

“Okay.” Mermista said, finally looking something other than bored, irritated, or mortified. Now she looked worried. “I think my powers aren’t working because I’m too far from my Runestone.”

“Do you-” Rapunzel coughed. “I mean, woah! What powers?!”

“Please,” Mermista looked irritated. “I’m not deaf. I know exactly what everyone thinks of me.”

“What?” Rapunzel asked.

“Oh, you know exactly what I’m talking about,” Mermista snapped. “Everyone thinks I’m some evil water witch. I heard the castle staff whispering about it. I know the king and queen think I’m some kind of practice round for you.”

“Oh, Mermista I-” Rapunzel took a breath. “I never thought you were a witch.”

“Oh, cool, bare minimum.” Mermista muttered.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like you were some project,” Rapunzel said. “I...I was so excited for you to come. I really, really wanted us to be friends.”

Mermista blinked. “I-really?”

“She’s been planning this meeting nonstop all week,” Eugene said. “She really, really wanted you to like her.”

“I...oh,” Mermista coughed. “Well...thanks. I guess I wasn’t exactly...the nicest coming in. So, sorry about that.”

Rapunzel smiled, and then winced when Sea Hawk yelped when someone threw a potato at him. Mermista’s face went stony. “Okay, like I was saying, too far from my Runestone. If we can get within range, I can totally wipe the floor with these guys. I can sense it a little. It’s somewhere within…” She gestured vaguely to the west. “That way. I think.”

“You think?!” Eugene asked.

“I’ve never been this far from home!” Mermista said. 

“How are we going to distract them?” Eugene said.

“If we can get Pascal out of the cage, maybe that could do it,” Rapunzel twisted to glance at Pascal. “What do you think?”

Pascal squeaked, rattling around inside the cage. “How’s he gonna get out?” Eugene asked.

A fat seagull with dull eyes landed on the deck a few yards away from the group, and Mermista paused. “Could he pick the lock if I got him something?” 

“Yeah, maybe,” Rapunzel said, glazing at the ornate seashell hairpin in Mermista’s hair. “But-”

“Great.” Mermista turned to face the seagull, and started screeching at it. The seagull cocked its head at her, with no real expression change.

“Woah, okay.” Eugene said, looking unsure.

Mermista screeched at the seagull a bit more, and the seagull blinked before taking off. To Rapunzel’s shock and relief, the seagull landed on Mermista’s head, yanking out the hairpin. It took off again, going to Pascal, but overestimated the distance, dropping the pin into the cage but crashing into Eugene’s face.

Eugene jerked, waving the seagull off. He spat feathers. “Ugh, it’s like Hamuel all over again.”

Pascal waved the pin with an excited squeak, and went to work on picking the lock. “He better hurry,” Mermista said, glancing at the pirates, who were beginning to get bored with Sea Hawk. “I don’t know how long it’s gonna be before they notice.”

“I didn’t know you could speak seagull.” Rapunzel said.

“Well,” Mermista shrugged. “We’re required to either take seagull, octopus, or whale in school.”

The lock to the cage clicked, and it swung open. Pascal hopped out, grinning proudly. The seagull squawked something, waddling to Pascal, and the chameleon backed up, looking unsure. “Let him give you a ride. We need something sharp to cut the ropes with.” Rapunzel said.

Pascal huffed, apparently not excited to go for a ride on a strange bird, but complied, letting boarding the seagull. The bird squawked, and took off clumsily in the air. 

“We’re running out of things to throw,” One of the pirates said, glaring at Sea Hawk. “I say we start slashing!” The other pirates cheered.

“Hey!” Mermista shouted, looking furious. “If you even think about doing anything to him, I’ll turn you into fish food! Only I’m allowed to get mad at him for setting boats on fire!”

The pirates ooh-ed sarcastically, cackling at Mermista’s outburst. The red-bearded pirate, the captain, chuckled, sauntering over to the princess. “And how do you plan to stop us, lassie?”

“You have no idea who you’re dealing with,” Mermista said in a low voice. “You’re gonna have all of Corona coming for you, and the entire Princess Alliance. You know, She-Ra? Eight-foot tall warrior with a sword taller than most children? You really wanna be on her bad side?”

“I have no context for this,” Eugene said. “But yeah, you should listen to the ocean princess before things get ugly.”

“Wait a minute,” The captain scowled, and then grinned again, his gold tooth flashing. “I thought you looked familiar. Flynn Rider and Sea Hawk in the same place? What are the odds?”

“Oh, there it is.” Eugene grumbled.

“Flynn Rider?” Mermista looked confused. “Like the book?”

“You read them?!” Eugene looked shocked. 

“Yeah,” Mermista shrugged. “It was alright. Too predictable.”

Eugene scowled. “Now hang on-”

“Get the plank boys!” The captain shouted. “We’re watching two scoundrels sink to the bottom of the ocean tonight!” 

“No!” Rapunzel shouted, desperately trying to escape. 

The captain grinned, and the yelped when he was suddenly dive bombed by a seagull. He reeled back, and Pascal leapt off the bird, dragging a dagger clumsily. “Nice going, frog.” Eugene said, grabbing it and quickly cutting his ropes before doing the same for Mermista and Rapunzel.

“Captain! They escaped!” One of the pirates yelled, and Rapunzel tensed.

“What’s the plan now?!” Eugene asked Mermista.

“Er,” Mermista paused. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”

“Scatter!” Rapunzel decided, managing to scoop up Pascal before the captain stepped on him. She sprinted, realizing they were heavily outnumbered, and only Eugene was armed. 

She ducked when a bald pirate with no teeth swiped at her with a wicked looking rapier, grinning disgustingly to himself. “Little out of your element, are ya, dearie?” He said, laughing to himself when she stumbled back.

Rapunzel managed to grab a loose rope, and got a desperate idea. “Pascal!” She handed the rope to her lizard, and he seemed to get the idea, jumping off her shoulder and weaving through the pirate’s legs. He tripped, and Rapunzel yanked the other end of the rope, hoisting him into the air with a shriek. She grabbed his dropped rapier.

“Hey, Eugene!” Mermista waved. “Throw me the dagger!”

Eugene tossed it messily, and Mermista grabbed it, slicing through the ropes that held Sea Hawk. The serial arsonist fell on his head with a yelp, and then climbed shakily to his feet. “Perhaps it’s the blood rushing from my head,” He said. “But your beauty outshines the moon, sun, and stars.”

“Aw!” Rapunzel smiled, dodging a sword stab.

“Don’t pass out.” Mermista said in response, pressing the dagger into his hand. She turned back to Eugene. “Hey! The wheel!”

Eugene managed to dodge his way to the helm and grab the wheel. “Which way?!”

“West!” Mermista shouted, barely managing to dodge several pirates. She was being backed against the railing.

“Which way is west?!”

“There!” She pointed, now cornered.

Eugene grabbed the wheel and yanked down as hard as he could. The boat banked starboard hard, tilting dangerously. Mermista toppled overboard with a shrill yelp. “No!” Sea Hawk shouted, but he was sliding down the almost vertical deck. 

“Sorry, sorry, sorry!” Eugene said, righting the boat. 

“Mermista!” Rapunzel shouted shrilly, but she got no answer. 

The captain roared, managing to fend off the seagull. He reached out and grabbed the closest person he could be mad at-which was unfortunately Sea Hawk. “Maybe I won’t have my ransom,” He growled. “But I’ll have your head!”

“Sea Hawk!” Eugene started to run to him, but he would never make it in time. Sea Hawk’s eyes widened, and the captain raised his sword-

The boat shuddered, and then suddenly stopped. The captain stumbled, and Sea Hawk twisted, managing to knock the sword out of the captain’s grip and free himself.

The captain growled. “What in the blazes-?!”

The water churned as though boiling, and a swirling plume of it began to rise, with none other than Mermista seated on top, manipulating the ocean to her whims. “I warned you,” Mermista said, her expression grim and dangerous. “Only I’m allowed to get mad at my boyfriend for setting boats on fire.”

She threw her hands forward, and a jet of water sent a screaming pirate overboard. She sprang forward, landing easily on the deck. Eugene laughed. “Now this is a fight!”

He plucked a sword deftly from the belt of the nearby pirate, easily fending off three others. Sea Hawk followed his example, grinning widely with a lovestruck expression on his face as Mermista tossed pirates overboard. 

“Hey, Princess!” Mermista shouted, and raised her hand. The ocean spit something into her hand, and Rapunzel grinned widely. “So this is your weapon of choice?” Mermista asked, handing Rapunzel a barnacle covered frying pan. 

“Thanks, Mermista.” Rapunzel spun it in her hand expertly before easily knocking out the foolish pirate that came at her with a sword. Mermista’s eyes widened.

“Wow, okay. Anyway, I’m gonna go make sure my boyfriend isn’t getting himself killed.” She threw herself overboard, and the water churned under her power as though in a hurricane.

“So, Sunshine,” Eugene said, back to back with Rapunzel. “How’s this for politics?”

“This is much more fun!” Rapunzel said, grinning. “Hey! On your left!” 

Eugene parried the blow from his left just in time. “Thanks.” He grinned, and Rapunzel knocked him out.

Sea Hawk had five pirates on him, and was struggling. Struggling, at least, before Mermista leapt back onto the deck, her mermaid tail turning back into legs seconds before she landed. She spread her arms out, and water threw the pirates off into the ocean. She turned to continue her attack, but Sea Hawk grabbed her hand, and went down on one knee. Before Mermista could say anything, he was holding out a tiny, platinum ring with a pale green gem in the center. “Marry me.” He said, his expression one of absolute adoration.

Mermista blanched, and Rapunzel squealed.

“Are you serious?!” Mermista sputtered after a moment. “Now?!”

Sea Hawk’s face fell, and it had a long way to go. “Is...that a no?”

“Of course not, you idiot!” Mermista snapped. “It’s a yes, duh! But we’re a little busy right now!”

“Nothing like the threat of instant death to make you really realize what’s important.” Sea Hawk said.

“Yeah, but-” Mermista groaned when a pirate charged her, and she flicked her wrist, sending him careening overboard. “Do you mind? We’re trying to have a conversation here.”

“I have loved you since I first met you,” Sea Hawk declared. “When I tried to kiss your hand and you threatened to slap my face off, I knew I wanted to be by your side forever. You are everything I have ever wanted in life, my other half. You’re beautiful, kind, funny, the most intelligent woman I’ve ever met, and I love it when you kick butt in fights-oh, one moment-” He stood up, fending off a pirate and disarming him before sticking his leg out, causing the pirate to go overboard with a scream. He immediately went down on one knee once again. “Where was I?”

“Proposing.” Mermista said.

“Right! So, Mermista, I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?” Sea Hawk held out the ring.

Mermista smiled-and it struck Rapunzel that this was the first time she had seen the princess really smile, and she looked really, really happy. “Of course I will, you idiot. We need to get married before Bow and Glimmer, after all.”

“That’s what I was thinking!” Sea Hawk said excitedly. “Especially because he plans to do it soon-oh, don’t tell anyone I said that.” He frowned.

“Guys?!” Eugene said. “This is great and all, but can we focus on the fight?!”

“Eugene!” Rapunzel scolded. “This is a very important moment for them!”

“Eh, she’s right,” Mermista sighed, turning around. “One moment, let me wrap this up.”

She raised her arms, and a massive tidal wave suddenly rose over the ship, casting a long shadow over it. She swung her arms down, sweeping most of the crew overboard. The rest of the pirates dropped their weapons, cowering at the back of the ship, shouting their surrender.

Sea Hawk whooped. “And that is how we do it in Salineas!” Mermista held out her hand, and with shining eyes, he slipped the ring onto her finger. Mermista examined it, smiling to herself.

“Cowards!” The captain yelled, but stepped back when the four came up to him. He coughed. “Listen, we didn’t mean no harm! W-we can make this right!”

“You know what?” Mermista said. “I think you’re right. Fiance?” She said, turning to Sea Hawk.

Sea Hawk grinned, looking at Eugene. “You want to help me set a boat on fire?”

*** *** *** 

“Well,” Eugene said as the _Dragon’s Daughter Five/Six_ pulled into port at Corona. “I can cross ocean arson off my bucket list.”

“Sorry this was so crazy,” Rapunzel said, turning to Mermista. “It’s...not always like this, I promise-”

“Are you kidding?” Mermista smiled. “Today was great. Diplomacy is so boring, and it’s been a while since I got a good fight. Plus, I got engaged. And Sea Hawk made a new best friend. Sorry in advance, he’s a bad influence.”

“Oh, you love me.” Sea Hawk grinned.

“Yeah,” Mermista sighed. “So, maybe I was a little rash in shutting down an alliance. The Princess Alliance back home is always looking for new members, and you fit right in.”

“I do?” Rapunzel blinked.

Mermista chuckled. “With your frying pan skills? Absolutely. They’ll love you.”

“I guess I’ll have to visit.” Rapunzel said, smiling widely to herself.

“You better,” Mermista said. “You’re invited to my wedding, after all.”

“Really?!” Rapunzel couldn’t contain herself, and hugged Mermista tightly. “Oh, thank you thank you thank you! You won’t regret this!”

“I already kind of do.” Mermista said, but Rapunzel could hear a smile in her voice.

“So,” Eugene said. “You didn’t like Flynn Rider?”

“Like I said, too predictable.” Mermista said.

“Which one did you read?” Eugene asked.

“Uh, the one where that princess turns out to be evil. You could see that twist coming from a mile away.” Mermista said.

“Well, there’s your problem,” Eugene tsked. “That’s one of the older ones. The newer ones are great. In fact, I have most of the series, I’ll lend you one.”

“Hm…” Mermista pursed her lips. “Alright. But only if you read the Mer-Mysteries books. _That’s_ literature.”

“I’ve never heard of those.” Eugene said.

“Well,” Sea Hawk clapped Eugene on the back. “One more reason to come visit us in Salineas! Other than to say hello to me, of course!”

“And our wedding and diplomatic missions.” Mermista said.

“Right, that too.”

*** *** ***

_Hey, Raps_

_Glad to hear things are going well back home. I’m alright, not too much has happened since the chimera encounter (still have bruises from that one) and I’m making plans to visit soon._

_I hope that the Salineas alliance goes well. I’ve heard some crazy things about those kingdoms overseas. Someone said they have this girl who makes automatons and machines that can take you to the stars. (Don’t tell Varian, we don’t want him getting any ideas) I know that they’ve got a reputation for being closed off, but if anyone can get those guys to come out of their shell, it’s you._

_Tell Eugene I saw a pig that reminds me of him_

_Love,  
Cass_

_*** *** ***_

_Dear Cass,_

_Eugene said to tell you that the castle is so much warmer without your icy presence, but he misses you too._

_I’m glad you’re coming back, because believe it or not, there’s a wedding I’m attending. And so are you. I think you and Catra would really hit it off..._

**Author's Note:**

> Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure? More like Rapunzel's "No one here is straight and you know it the writers for disney are being held hostage by the Mouse but we know better" Adventure.
> 
> anyway yell at me for this train wreck on my tumblr!  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/toadintheroad


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